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Miss Manners: How do I politely accept an invitation to 'join me for a glass of wine' when I don't drink?

  //food-wine.news-articles.net/content/2025/10/06 .. n-me-for-a-glass-of-wine-when-i-don-t-drink.html
  Published in Food and Wine on Monday, October 6th 2025 at 9:31 GMT by NJ.com
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How to Politely Accept an Invitation to a Wine Evening When You Don’t Drink

A recent piece on NJ.com—“Miss Manners: How Do I Politely Accept an Invitation to Join Me for a Glass of Wine When I Don’t Drink?”—offers a masterclass in social grace for the non‑alcoholic among us. The article draws on the authority of Miss Manners’ long‑standing advice column, weaving her trademark wit with practical solutions that feel less like rigid rules and more like thoughtful gestures. Below is a detailed walk‑through of the article’s key points, along with a few extra insights the writer highlighted by following the embedded links.

1. The Core Dilemma

The article opens with a relatable scenario: you’re invited to a “wine night” or a casual gathering where “just one glass of wine” is on the agenda. For many, this is a perfectly fine invitation. For others—those who abstain for health, religious, or personal reasons—the idea can feel awkward. The author notes that the central question isn’t whether you can drink, but how you can honor the invitation while staying true to your own preferences.

The piece cites a few common triggers that might put someone in this situation:

• Medical reasons – certain medications or health conditions make alcohol unsuitable.
• Religious observance – many faith traditions (e.g., Islam, some branches of Christianity) advise against alcohol.
• Personal choice – past experiences or a desire to avoid alcohol altogether.

2. Miss Manners’ “Three‑Step” Plan

The article then distills Miss Manners’ response into a three‑step framework that readers can adapt for any social context.

Step 1: Accept the Invitation, Then Offer an Alternative

Miss Manners advises that the first move is to say yes. “It’s a social signal that you’re happy to be part of the group,” she writes. “Once you’re accepted, you can gently introduce your alternative.” The article suggests several polite phrasing options:

• “Thank you for inviting me! I’m happy to join. I’m actually not a drinker, but I’d love to bring a sparkling water or a non‑alcoholic wine.”
• “I appreciate the invitation. I don’t drink, but I can’t wait to spend time with everyone.”

By offering a substitute beverage up front, you show enthusiasm for the event and a willingness to participate in the convivial atmosphere.

Step 2: Bring Your Own Beverage (BYOB) or Request a Non‑Alcoholic Option

The author notes that many hosts, particularly in the era of “mocktails,” are already prepared for guests who don’t drink. The article links to an external piece—“The Art of Bringing Your Own Non‑Alcoholic Beverage” (https://www.nj.com/advice/2025/10/non-alcoholic-beverage-guide)—which explains how to choose a drink that feels celebratory. Suggestions include:

• Sparkling water with a splash of fruit juice – looks festive but contains no alcohol.
• Non‑alcoholic wine – a growing market offering depth without the buzz.
• Craft soda or kombucha – can provide a complex flavor profile for a more sophisticated palate.

When you request a non‑alcoholic version of a wine or cocktail, it’s useful to mention that it’s a personal preference rather than a “no‑drinking” rule, thereby keeping the tone light.

Step 3: Prepare a “Graceful Exit” Script

Even if you bring a substitute, you might still find yourself in a setting where others are drinking heavily. Miss Manners recommends a short, polite statement to gently step away from the alcohol conversation if it becomes uncomfortable. Examples from the article:

• “I’m going to step out for a moment to clear my head.”
• “I’m taking a short walk to get some fresh air.”

These lines keep the tone courteous while signalling that you’re opting for a break. The article also suggests that you can invite the host to join you for a non‑alcoholic drink—turning the moment into an opportunity to reinforce your enthusiasm for the gathering.

3. Cultural Nuances and Sensitivities

The NJ.com piece doesn’t shy away from the fact that alcohol plays different roles in different cultures. The author links to a side article—“Understanding Alcohol in Cultural Contexts” (https://www.nj.com/advice/2025/10/cultural-alcohol-contexts)—which explains why refusing a drink in some societies might be misread as a sign of disrespect or judgment. The main article emphasizes that a clear, respectful explanation—“I don’t drink for personal reasons” or “I’m on medication that doesn’t interact well with alcohol”—usually clears any misunderstanding.

4. Tips for the Host

While the article focuses on the guest’s perspective, it also offers a few practical pointers for hosts who want to make everyone feel comfortable:

1. Include non‑alcoholic options in the menu – a simple nod that no one will feel left out.
2. Ask beforehand if any guests have dietary restrictions or preferences – this can help avoid awkward moments.
3. Encourage a “one‑glass” rule – framing the event around a single drink can be less intimidating for abstainers.

The piece quotes a hospitality expert who says that “small adjustments by the host can have a big impact on guests’ comfort levels.”

5. Bottom Line

In a nutshell, Miss Manners’ advice boils down to: accept, adapt, and keep the conversation light. The NJ.com article provides a well‑structured, easy‑to‑follow guide that helps readers feel prepared for any situation where they might need to decline or alter an alcoholic invitation.

The article is thorough and peppered with humor—Miss Manners is known for her playful tone—and offers practical, socially sensitive ways to navigate the tricky terrain of non‑drinking in an alcohol‑centric environment. For anyone who’s ever felt out of place at a wine‑filled dinner, the article offers both reassurance and tangible strategies.

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